Rocky

Brother Rick wondered, but I responded, "What I am going to do really depends on what I believe," and that is what I am really struggling with, right now, that is really the bottom line, Joey Arnold is struggling, he is hurting, deep inside, he is like Rocky, that boxer, the movie my brother Rick is watching right now in Oklahoma, right now, 9:30pm, PST, 10/3/2009, Saturday (L20091003z2130pj414@414.), really, but I was also talking to Mother about this, too, on the phone, and with former Revolution Hawaii team-mate, Jess Franklin, who is in Alaska, about this, on the phone, just last night, Friday, and I was talking in person about this to brand new Salvation Army Moore Street youth pastor Blake Webb, who was also on Revolution Hawaii with me, once, we were just talking, and basketball, today, and yesterday, but the topic of what we were talking about, something that goes deep with me for these last five years strait since graduating high school and running off to New York, oh, and I was talking to former student and co-labourer in the L4OJ movement, Sawyer Frye, the brand new Blue Granola, in flesh, about this, and I may have talked a little about this with a hawking brother, but anyways, the question, the concern, is what is at the root of my heart, what do I believe, I mean, never mind what may change over time, what is going to last forever, what do I believe that I will always believe, really, or what would Rocky believe, what would a boxer believe that will enable success, what does Michael Jordan believe, but in the pursuit for such answer, to make a long story very short, I will answer the question to my doctrine statement, to my mission, my motto, my beliefs, my core values, my very rock and soul, my very religion, my dogma, my everything, what I will not change from, my very root, my very bottom, my room, my closet, my darkest secret, I mean, my soul mate, my lover that I would sex, I mean, my belief, my marriage, I mean, what do I believe, what would I die for, what is one truth that I hold to, if I could summarize it into one statement, or for a talker like me, just one book would be quite short imagining the words I am typing here, as long as there are no typos, or hippos, haha, but really, just one word for what I believe, it would have to be, and I hate to say this, and hate is the opposite to this word, this journey, something we do not totally understand, something that we do not totally deserve at all, something that we at first will just totally like just really so really hate, and that one thing that we will hate, the one thing that we will love to have, that one thing that is tighter than a brother or air or Jesus maybe, or words at all, something that is very lovely, something that seems simple, something that is not lust, not lusting, not envoius, not dangerous, well, it can be dangerous for the here and now, but really, my motto, my sister, my brother, my mother, my father, my family, my brotherhood, my friend, I mean, this one thing is closer than a brother or Jesus so to speak, or it may be, well, dot sot, but forgive me for being so simple or very wordy but I am only trying to overemphasize my heart for this because I have no idea what I believe about anything and I know so little, Ken Hamm, even about Creation, or Evolution, or do you have to pick one, but that is almost or directly (not indirectly) out of the point or beyond this point or beside the point or after this fact, but still, this one word that should be my new name instead of oatmeal for what I believe, do you want to know, of course, it is, and I still hate to say this with this over-extended running-on-and-on illegal sentence that only murdering now-lover Apostle Paul would be allow to murder out, and that one word, is, as simple or as complex as this may sound, it is love!





Love!

Love is what I believe, as I have already stated in the last paragraph, but that is very deep word, and the question has to be emphasized, the question has to be about the origin to love, where did it come from, why did it come, what does it do, or what did it do, or what is love, really, where did it come from, why did it come, again, I must emphasize that I know so little about love, but does everything come from it, does love really come from Jesus, who is God, is He both Creator and Savior, or what do you think, but I do know one thing, from the things that I don't know, I do know love, and if I had two words for what I believe, I would simply ignore hate or evil, but I do believe in good and bad, but, still, I would not want to say that I believe in good things and bad things, I mean, I know that there are also bad things but I do not believe in them in the sense that I follow them, that I follow after destruction, sin, apathy, falling, fading away, doing what is not best, crumbling, evil things, rot, anything that is not perfect, anything that lacks shine, you know, really, the list goes on, it is so large, so generic, it is everywhere, but I do not believe in it, I mean, I do not act on it, I am asking love to take me away, I decide to get away, to never let go, but only through love, I mean, through Jesus, which is love, Jesus is God, God is love, Jesus is love, I believe in love, that is the one thing that I will die for, I will never change from that, if that makes me a snob, then so be it, but I will stand up for that, I believe in pure Godly love, whatever that may be, which I do not exactly know, and why does that matter, what does that have to do with me, but that is yet to be talked about, but I am still trying to figure it out, and I talk to people about it, and I really want to know what people think because I am not sure what church to join, but love still keeps me in line, whatever that may mean, but I must start with just one word in this tree of belief, and the two branches from love for what I believe would not be good and bad but instead it must be justice and grace!







Justice and grace!

Love branches out into justice on the left and grace on the right, that is right, not wrong, or left, I think, I believe, bottom-line, I believe just those two things, now, or if I could only believe in just one word, it would be just love, that is it, that is all you need, just love, but if I could believe in two words, it would be justice and grace, not simply just like I believe in good and bad for why would I want to have a pillar of bad in my core values, I mean, I should have a defense or do something when bad comes but I do not live for bad, for evil, for Satan, no, I will not sell my soul to Lucifer, but if I could have just two words for what I believe, it would be justice and grace, and by the way, yeah, grace is not logical, grace is very nonsense dominant, and then, what would three words be, I am not totally sure, yet, or I might, but I am still rethinking it, but I am trying to get down my core values, but, I am struggling with where I should be, who I should be, each day I cry it out to Jesus, make me who I should be, what I can be, all that I can be, help me do what is right, do what is the most good, and part of my problem with The salvation Army, forgive, is, and I could be wrong about this, so let me have the emphasis in grace over justice, both from love, when I say this, let me have grace, right, when I say,and I could be wrong, but I think that they did, or, as some may still do, as stated in their ninth doctrine, out of the eleven Salvation Army doctrine, that you are not totally saved to serve, which they say that we are so First John 4:19 dominant, that we love Jesus because Jesus first loved us, that is what that verse says, that we do not have to, I mean, first, we deserve the justice of love, otherwise then Heaven would just be earth, I mean, Heaven would be Hell, I mean, Hell no, Heaven would be worse than Hell without justice, because we would all be forced into Hell, to live in Hell forever, burn with Jesus and Satan in Hell forever, I mean, Heaven, sorry, that was a hippo, I mean a typo, no, kind of, but really, you have to have Justice, so, you have the choice to choose Jesus, and if you ask Jesus to eat you, that Jesus be your everything, your Savior, Creator, Lord, Master, Counselor, Guide, and everything, that Jesus eat you like I eat you, or like you can eat the Bible, like Jesus is the Word, the Scriptures, the Bible, but really, for those who chooses to not go for Jesus, to not L4OJ, Live For Only Jesus, since we are all Looking For Outrageous Joy, but when we freewill from that, hey, justice will serve that, justice will do as love must require it, otherwise grace would be disqualified, sorry, if I am being confusing, but you do not want murderers in Heaven, and so on, but, the left justice of love must take the losers, I mean, the religious Satanists, I mean the Satan followers, everybody in that family, I mean, really, anybody who is not in God's family, justice must separate the two families, it must, that is love, it is love to and for those who want to be with Jesus, but Jesus is holy, set apart, so Jesus can not be with sin, and those other things which are also sin, or sinners, but, see, we do not deserve love, grace, specifically, so, when we are saved, those who asked Jesus to eat us, they then are Ephesians 2:8-9, that is right, they are that verse, I threw that verse right in mid sentence on purpose, and Jesus so died for us on purpose, for we are saved by grace and not by works, but if we are then saved by that then how can we then lose it if we walk away from that fellowship, I mean, the answers to that would have to be explain much later but it must be clear that we are saved to serve but not saved through serving but Salvationists, or some may still believe that you must continue to obey to stay in the family, on the team, you have to keep the reputation, for the first impression is not good enough. My apology, whether you may or may not believe or not believe this or that in what I am or am not saying in any manner or tone. But I am still struggling in what I believe. My huge problem is always in the definition to salvation. It makes sense to make conditions to it, to say that we have to stay in it, that we have to continue serving, I mean, totally, it makes perfect sense, you have to influence or persuade others to really L4OJ, to really live it, to really do good things, in doing the most good, in doing what is best, I mean, that makes sense, but then there are huge problems about it, still, however, and that is in the possible extension or conclusion or association that it can or actually does in moving us into this motivation or this intention or mind set that I must serve because if I do not then I will burn in Hell, that if I do not follow Jesus then I will suffer, and that makes me scared, and as much as I really want to say that I would still really love or like or love or like or haahaa, but really, as much as I would love to say that I still love Jesus, that I still follow out of love, that I still do good things out of the right intentions, if that was even possible in this hypothetical scenario, even if I were to say it, even if you were to say it, even if we were to say it, no, we would not be able to full heart say, yes, full heart say that we love as He loves, no, because we would still have a hint or a subliminal fear, a really bad invisible or seeable fear that says that we are saved through serving, that salvation is dependent not on love's right's grace and mercy, hey, not on the crazy irrelogical Jesus soul of that, not dependent on the blood on the cross of Calvary of Jesus, of the place of the skulls, oh no, not dependent on believing on that, grace alone, but on continuing, working out our brother or apostle or Catholic church Peter or James of salvation, I mean, just the book of James, working it out, which, I know what it means to work out salvation, as in work out what you already have, but do you really want to say that if you do not use it then you lose it, well, yes, physically, our bodies go by that rule, but spiritually, if we do not use it then we stop growing, but can the spirit die, for dead spirits go to Hell, and we are born dead, but once we are given the wings for love then He will finish that for us.






But I am to write more about I believe, and I wrote love or justice in love, I guess, but I am to later add words to this, and I am to possible buy a camcorder, or move to California or am I just talking but I am quite curious or frustrated about so many things.



Rocky, come save me.